​If there's one thing for which Schnauzers are well known, it's their voice.  Loud, joyous, frequent, and sometimes embarrassing, has been our previous experience over the past 30-odd years of sharing life with Schnauzers, so to come across a silent one was odd, to say the least... For the first few weeks of his life with us, Mungo didn't bark.

Maybe he had learned, in the puppy farm in which he had spent the first five years of life, that barking was futile - at best, it could have achieved nothing for him - and even when his new life brought him two little Lhasa sisters, who do bark at such exciting events as The Postman, or Things Outside The Garden Wall, he still never uttered a sound.

In his silence we could read the history of unmet needs; the total absence of any sense of deserving anything - in human terms, he had no self-worth whatsoever.  In that previous life, where life itself had no value except price, he had been worth less than nothing.  To bark would mean that his voice was worthy of being heard, and clearly this was not the case.

The very, very first time we heard him bark, I almost couldn't believe it... such a little, rusty bark it was, and high-pitched... he was trying to join in with his sisters at the time.  Gradually, he began to find his real, authentic voice - little by little, until now it is loud, joyous, frequent and sometimes embarrassing - a true, beautiful, Schnauzer voice.

Mungo's Teachings:

• You are always worthy of being heard; nobody has the right to tell you otherwise.
• Our needs are more likely to be met when we understand how to ask.
• Whenever you need to sing, give yourself permission to sing with your whole heart, and your true, authentic voice; it will be the most beautiful music in the universe.

Mungo arrived into our lives a few weeks ago... confused and scared, he had been rescued from a puppy farm, where he had spent the first five years of his life as a stud dog - without care, kindness or even a name of his own.  His escape from this grim life was probably because he needed some expensive veterinary care, which he was unlikely to receive, unless he was surrendered into rescue - and fortunately for Mungo, this was the path that opened before him, thanks to the lovely folks at Friends of Animals Wales...

Following the removal of 33 teeth, funded by the wonderful Schnauzerfest charity, who supported all his veterinary costs whilst he was in rescue with FOAW, he then spent the first eight weeks of his new life with a kind and patient foster family, who began to teach him what it feels like to be loved...

Fast forward to the end of February, and this little boy had yet another huge upheaval when he moved yet again... this time to his forever home, with two little Lhasa sisters to show him the ropes.  However, it is very clear to us that although he is completely free from that old life, the abuse and neglect has deep roots, and he is still beset by the demons of his past... 

To begin with, he wouldn't eat.  I wasn't too worried at first, because of the stress of his move, but after a couple of days he began to taste - and then he stood back and just stared at me.  I suddenly got the message - he didn't like the bowl!  I turned his meal out onto a plate, and he devoured it ravenously; so now, Mungo eats from a plate... and not just any plate - he has three rather beautiful Art Deco plates that we bought specially for him.

For all of us, it's a journey of interpreting feelings and needs... the tilt of an ear, the twitch of a tail or the droop of a head can tell us so much when we are prepared to pay attention.  Unlike with people, there is no story to listen to, and be hooked by - we can only imagine what he has been through.  Just like many people though, when we do not have the self-worth to believe that we deserve to have our needs met, it was clear to us that Mungo felt deeply unworthy of many things in his new life.

It's an incredible joy when he responds... the first time he came towards us and stood to have his head scratched... the first time he lay down next to us on the sofa... the first walk, with tail and ears up, and eyes bright... all of these things mark a small rite of passage for him - the sign that he has given himself permission to accept this part of his new life and, in doing so, hopefully also to release part of the old.

But here's an interesting thing.  We chose his name because we liked it, and because it fit with our previous boy schnauzers (Theo, Hugo...).  In an idle moment, I looked it up, to find out the meaning.  It turns out that St Mungo is the patron saint of those who have been bullied, which is actually pretty perfect, and his feast day is 13 January.  As Mungo didn't have a proper birthday either, that seems pretty perfect, too, just like Mungo himself...

Mungo's Teachings:

• Listen carefully and compassionately to others... that way you can pick up the needs behind the behaviours, even when the behaviours look unuseful.
• Don't become a victim of your story... change is always possible.
• Treat one another with kindness, patience, respect and love, because in the end we are all connected.

In our world of fast-developing technology, and the need to stay connected with friends and colleagues through texts, emails and social media, the irony is that in our face-to-face relationships with others we are becoming increasingly disconnected.  The need to check messages and emails as they arrive, to scroll through social media just to "catch up with what's going on" means that time spent together is often time spent on phones and tablets, and that means we are not "together" at all.  In that distraction, we are not being present with our partner or family.

In my therapy practice, I am seeing increasing numbers of clients who are experiencing "relationship issues" for one reason or another... 

Relationships are not about “getting it right”, they are about connecting with another person.  The most important aspect of connection is the ability to listen… when was the last time you did that?  Really listened, with total presence and with no other distractions at all?

Listening is a skill we all possess; it is a natural, innate ability.  However, as we grow and develop, we learn different, adapted ways of listening, which require effort.

• We learn to listen in order to respond – we are waiting for the other person to finish talking so we can speak.
• We learn to listen merely in order to validate what the other person is saying.
• We learn to listen in order to negate what the other person is saying – to make them wrong, so that we can be right.

What can happen when you just listen…?  Listen with no judgement, no effort, and without trying to offer solutions.  Even if the other person is in a negative place – what happens if you just be with them, and hold the space, with compassion and empathy…?

Put your phones down, people, and just be present with each other... talk to each other... and, more importantly, listen... it's the biggest gift you can offer.


For any couples who feel they would like to spend some time together to reconnect, you may like to know that I offer a very special course... Because it’s only for one couple at a time, it’s tailored for the individuals concerned, and whatever you want to get out of the day.  (You may also like to know that there is absolutely no mobile signal in our training and consultation offices at 'Planet Wykeham'!)
 
Self-Awareness and Relationships is an experiential workshop-style day, with some bits of NLP – understanding how we think, and how we each do that differently from one another; there are also some bits from other psychotherapeutic modalities too, because the day is all about having fun as well as learning about yourselves and each other within your relationship.  It’s designed to be very much a future-oriented day, rather than looking back at whatever has happened in the past – it’s all about developing connection and understanding, and creating your future together.

If you'd like to know more, just give me a call and we can have a chat to see if this is something you'd like to do together.

We have exciting news... As the seasons change, so change is taking place for us, too...

At the beginning of November, we will be moving into our beautiful new training and consultancy offices in Langley House, at Wykeham Business Centre near Scarborough.  Whilst we have really enjoyed holding our courses at Wydale Hall, it will be lovely to have the flexibility of our very own space, where we can put down roots and grow.  Our new offices also have wheelchair access, which is wonderful for our less mobile clients and students. 

We will be arranging an "Open Day" for everyone to pop in and visit us, and maybe share a coffee or a glass of Prosecco... and we'll have more details of that in our November newsletter - if you are not already a subscriber, you can sign up on the website home page.

In the meantime, the first course in our new training room has been arranged for Monday 21st November - Mindfulness and Self-Hypnosis for Personal Change.  If you would like to join us for this relaxing day, then full details are on the website.  There are only six places, though, so if you would like one then please book quickly!  We also have a number of other courses arranged for the winter months; full details are on the SCNLH website.

In the coming months we are hoping to organise some weekly classes in relaxation, as well as Pilates and possibly T'ai Chi - watch this space for more details.
We are really looking forward to welcoming you to our new home!